Episode 61: I am Grossly Overpaid! Groot!

Well, look at that. We're at our 61st episode already. That's no small feat, given that I'm starting to rack up mortal enemies. Take the film office for a certain southwestern metropolis, for example. I hear that someone over there considers me formidable, or, at least, enough of a threat to shut out my sources down there. I feel so important!

This week's co-host is Friend o' the Show Clint Wells, who, for reasons yet unclear, has decided to play the Kim Kardashian Hollywood mobile game until he either reaches A-list status or spends all his money. Thinking of picking up the game yourself? Be warned. It's addictive. And not necessarily in a good way. Let Clint fill you in.

Also!

• In celebration of The Expendables 3: How to hire your own real-life expendable, for less than seven figures
• How much Vin Diesel likely earned for his three-word part in Guardians of the Galaxy
• How the media seemed to know in advance that Lauren Bacall was preparing to shed her very hot mortal coil
• And yet another installment of my new segment, Things I Learned From Watching The Strain!

Have a listen.

Episode 60: The sexiest hell on earth

Welcome to Episode 60 of my show!

A listener has written in asking why "all" of the celebrities are currently on Ibiza, that sexy Mediterranean island that features eight Scandinavian models for every fake Rockefeller in a sweaty silk shirt. In this latest episode, I reject the premise of this question. "All" of the celebrities are not currently in Ibiza. All of the single, horny celebrities with an Instagram account are in Ibiza. And they're attracting others of their kind. It's kind of like Dawn of the Planet of the Apes; they're building they're own little nation out there, and the rest of us are just endangered humans whose only advantage is higher cognitive brain function.

Also!

Wondering why Hollywood is foisting two Hercules movies on us at the same time? Why not one Hercules movie, one Ajax the Lesser movie? Why not throw Orpheus a bone, for chrissakes? Turns out, Hollywood has a long history of releasing two movies with the same theme at the same time. And there are reasons for that. I reveal 'em.

Plus!

I get to the bottom of what I call the Endless Tentpole Mystery. You tell me whether it's a conspiracy. (It's a total conspiracy.)

And finally!

I explain, once and for all, why you should never, ever feel sorry for a celebrity who gets photographed by paparazzi after getting her hair did.

Have a listen.