Episode 39: The Justin files

For a week now, you’ve been plying my Facebook and Twitter feed with questions—nay, prayers—begging me to use my sizable influence to eject Justin Bieber from our wholesome land, to protect our amber waves of grain from his rampaging sizzurp-fueled Batmobile of sin. Kick the egg-hurler out of the country! you cry. Send him back to the frozen Canadian hellscape from which he sprung!

Sadly, no matter how many charges Bieber faces, he’s probably not going anywhere. I mean, anywhere other than his double-gated Calabasas community, with its yolk-colored mansions and whatnot. My influence actually isn’t all that big—unless you think a Klout score of 52 is big—and Bieber is more likely looking at probation than deportation.

Don’t believe me? Might want to have a listen to my latest podcast, in which I break down exactly what’s likely to happen to the Bieb in coming weeks. As usual, the episode is jam-packed with real-life experts.

But that’s not all! How about…

• A chewy blind item about a big-time TV personality with a nasty habit.
• Answer Dad on what the heck is wrong with Lady Mary’s boyfriends.
• And Ande, back by popular demand to discuss...a Lifetime movie, of all things.

Episode 38: Om nom noms

It’s all about Oscar nominations on our latest episode! For days, you’ve been writing to me with your questions about this year’s nods—does the Academy hate Leo? Does the Academy have a problem with black actors? (Unless it actually has a problem with Walt Disney instead?) I tracked down an eminent voice in the world of film and got all of the answers.

Plus!

• Answer Dad fixes the whole Anna/Bates/assault situation in less than two minutes.
• We reveal the secrets behind the Academy Awards seating chart: Who gets to sit in the “golden triangle”—assuming that’s a good thing?
• Ande is back! And she’s probably hate-watching the same TV show you are!

It’s all here, and it’s all for you.

Episode 37: Answer Dad will cap a bitch

While the rest of the planet was watching Lupita Nyong'o get robbed on the Golden Globes, I was busy putting together a fresh podcast for you. Among the topics this week: Why you maybe shouldn’t watch the Golden Globes either. And the reason has nothing to do with the fact that Lupita was so completely robbed. 

What else have I got for you this episode? How about:

• A Hollywood power attorney explaining why the creator of The Walking Dead hasn’t seen a dime of profit from the show?

• Answer Dad reviewing the new season of Downton Abbey (and revealing exactly how he would deal with Anna’s attacker)?

• A river of redneck hate mail aimed straight at yours truly?

• And snappy retorts crafted right on the spot by none other than comedian Guy Branum?

It’s all right here, waiting to burrow into your ear like that adorable mind-altering bug from Wrath of Khan. 

You’re welcome.

Episode 36: All tied up with an $80 bow

It’s January! Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? If you’re a celebrity personal assistant, that question actually isn’t all that crazy. As I recently learned, stars like their assistants to think like an elf all year ‘round, starting right...about...now.

I offer you proof of this in my first podcast of the New Year, courtesy of an interview with a woman who served as the assistant for an Oscar-winning actress for more than 25 years. (My VIP also offers up a blind item about a star who loves to give prezzies so much that she… well, I’ll let you discover that tidbit on your own. Also: Stars like to wrap their presents with silk ribbons that cost $80 a yard. Happy New Year!)

What else have I got for you in my latest episode? How’s about:

• The reason why you keep seeing the same newspaper over and over again on TV.
• A dirty blind item about a comedic actor with very sticky fingers.
• And the triumphant return of Baby Vegas!

All this, plus, of course, just for you, a brand-new Cage Match. Have a listen.